An Indian Journey

At the end of 2009 my husband and I decided to mission off to an Indian orphanage in Rajesthan, a "closed" province of India where there is still a lot of persecution of Christians. Something was pulling at our heart strings, and when people asked us why we were going, it was more a case of "why not?". There was nothing in out lives that could not be put on hold for 6 weeks.

Incredible India. The experience there was shocking and amazing. The overwhelming amount of people. The filth. The fact that you can fight your way onto an overcrowded train and sit for hours without ending up in the open coutryside. Just people everywhere, and poorer than anything I've seen in Africa, even in the rural communities. Then there's the caste system - the senseless and ruthless division of class and rights and the lack of them. The ridiculous rejection of humanity.

Now I've grown up thinking I've had a normal and easy life to date, and while one should only be grateful, that life also gives one a subtle arrogance. The idea that you have something to offer the rest of the world. But anyone who spends a day in an orphanage with the poorest children who've been rejected by society cannot help but be overwhelmed by the love they have to give. Some have lost their parents in gang wars. Some rejected by beggars. Some orphaned by political wars. Some disowned by their own mothers so that they could remarry. I got more in the time there than I could give in a lifetime. More love. More caring. More understanding. More sharing from those with nothing but their personalities and the love of their Saviour to share.

We left those 600 odd children perplexed by the reversal of roles and the mind shift we had to make from the experience we thought we would have. It took a year to work through the challenges presented to our faith, the little voices and faces in our dreams and the poverty that plagued our consciences. And a year later we went back, hopefully this time with something real to give.

It's all about perspective

Having moved to a foreign country and built a life before, I know that bad patches are inevitable. I know there will be days you'll second guess yourself and days when all you'll want is a familiar face or a pair of arms around you.

Recently I went through one of these patches. It was pretty short-lived. One of the reasons this was true, was because I decided I just couldn't fit it in. If you lie in bed in the morning and tell yourself that the weather is bad and that you don't want to do anything you have planned for the day, your day is going to be difficult and exhausting. And if you stay in your room because you don't have any friends anyway, then you are never going to make new ones.

So after a day of admittedly feeling sorry for myself, I got up, and got out and pretended to feel at home. I know you've heard this a million times before, but people repeat because it's true. If you have a positive attitude, even if it's fake, that's half the battle won.

Suddenly I had more job offers. I got letters and emails from far-flung friends I hadn't heard from in ages. I went on a couple of outings with some people I had met here. And it felt like I had a life. A life that was actually quite interesting and worthwhile. I could see why people kept telling me I was lucky when lucky was the furtherest thing from what I was feeling.

Now in the mornings, I tell myself that it will be a good day; that today I might meet a great new friend or see something that will change how I think. That today has merit and worth and I will only see it if I get up and get out there to experience it. And so far, today hasn't failed me yet.

I hope you get up in the mornings, even the cold and rainy ones, with a positive attitude. It makes the world of difference.

Spring cleaning

I hope I’m not speaking to soon but spring finally seems to have arrived! Last year, living in the southern hemisphere, I would have complained about winter temperatures below 18 degrees and gone into hibernation. Living in the northern hemisphere this year, at a very mild 15 degrees it feels like summer is just around the corner and I have an urge to ditch the coats and jerseys.

So,with the weather turning I decided to do some spring cleaning. Last year, we had the luxury of a housekeeper and I didn’t give any thought to the physicality of the tasks that needed doing. May I add that my housekeeper was also the nanny to my son who was just over a year and very much mobile!

This year, my son is about to turn 2. This means he is not only mobile but extremely good at it and he is also a novice stunt artist. Jumping, climbing, racing around corners and using the wooden rolling pin as a cricket bat.  All this apart from his other identity: Dinosaur. “Roooaaaarrrr!” 

Anyway, so my day of spring cleaning became two days because of the little T-Rex running around. I started thinking about all the housekeepers out there. Wow, they are really amazing. And yes, they do annoy us sometimes when things aren't done our way but I now feel that anyone who has to clean up after someone else’s mess has to be shown a generous amount of respect. Yes, they are being paid for it, but it’s not glamorous and honestly, it’s no-one’s first choice as a career. 

It also got me thinking about my mom and how she seemed to be able to do everything. She juggled her career and family life amazingly. She made and still makes everything she does look effortless. She always looked pretty, was always on top of everything, never complained about anything and was happy. I hope she’ll share her secret with me someday. 

I sometimes look rather scary, feel like there’s always something to do or that I’ve forgotten to do and I moan quite a bit. I think it has something to do with my personality...

Or perhaps it has to do with the generation I grew up in. In my mom’s generation, she had the freedom to work but being a wife and mother was natural and a priority. These days, a woman can choose whatever path in life she wishes to follow but there seems to be an imbalance. It seems like something has to give. The idea that a woman can be everything and do it all can be overwhelming when it clashes with women’s traditional roles.

So, for those women who clean our homes and look after our children,I applaud you because it must take a lot to put in the effort and care when it’s not your home you’re cleaning or your children you’re seeing to.

And for those women who do it all themselves, for those who juggle careers and family life, I salute you because it is a full time job and a delicate balancing act.

To the men in our lives, your contributions are unique and meaningful and just as important. I’m sure you have your own concerns and issues that women don’t think about.

If I may take a guess, I think my mom’s secret may be to choose to do the things that make us happy, fulfil us and to be content with our choice and most importantly to trust our choices.  

Quite a universal approach to our lives.

Then and Now

One year ago I was struggling to figure the job I had just begun. I was passing out every afternoon from the exhaustion of trying to keep up all day.

One year ago I was so grateful to be working again, after 8 months of looking for a job, any job.

One year ago I was living in my hometown with my parents, babysitting my niece every so often.

Now I am living in a completely new continent for me.

Now I am learning a new language.

Now I am getting used a new job all over again.

I am still doing what I love. But the rules have changed somewhat. I am travelling again which always brings a special kind of fulfillment to my life, despite the awkward changes and difficult bits. I am meeting new people and yet still keeping in touch with the old ones.

One year ago I could not have guessed that I would be here, doing this. And I think it's those decisions - those completely life-altering decisions that really bring out who you are. Whether it's changing careers, changing countries or changing lifestyles (and sometimes all three), it makes you so aware of who you are and where your strengths lie.

The big decisions are the scariest but they are also the most rewarding.

Narrative Time

One year ago I discovered a philosopher called Paul Ricouer. Who spoke about how we create meaning about our lives through the use of narrative. This is because in our experience of our lives, and of time, there is an illusion of chronology, of sequence. By calling time an illusion, Ricouer did not mean to dispose of time altogether, he meant rather, to open up for a deeper experience of time, and to point to a reciprocal relationship between narrative and temporality.

If I think about my headspace this time last year, indeed, it seems so far away, and because I was so busy, there is not a story I could piece together as a narrative with events that create a plot, about what actually happened from then until now. It makes me think that perhaps in the year from now, I need to slow down a little, perhaps start keeping a journal again, so that I can look back and piece together a story.

But if I was to make sense of the soundbytes and pastiche that was an intense and somewhat fuzzy year, I would say I reclaimed my creativity, and this was the most important thing.

I would say it all might have began with a poetry festival I attended in the town of St. Andrews in Scotland, where I heard some Shetland poets, and significantly, the Booker-prize winning novelist and poet Ben Okri talk about the importance of creativity in our lives. Creativity and dangerous reading. I think Okri planted a seed in my head that day, something that dislodged a person I was trying to be for other people. I have realised that my creative self had become disconnected from my externally motivated self, a self that pushed towards extrinsic achievements and had forgotten that when we do not create, we merely regurgitate the ideas and personalities that the media and the government ventriloquises for us.

Now this might sound lofty and grand, but it got me to start painting and dancing again. As I walked on the beach on the oldest golf course in the world at Sunset, ultimately what was important was to be there. A moment to shout into the ocean, and leave my troubles there.

#One year ago, I learnt that water heals.

xx
Tiger Eye

Choices and Opportunities

Although they might seem like two sides of the same coin, there is a big difference between making choices and taking opportunities. It's good to recognise an opportunity that might never come again, and indeed be flexible enough to take it, but to take ownership of our lives, we need to view every situation we are in as a choice. We need to realise that some opportunities can leave us feeling trapped.

There is no reason for anyone to feel fated to their situation.

There is no reason for anybody to feel like they have no escape.

It's important for your personal liberation and self-possession that you choose to be in the places you find yourself. This applies to your work choices, your friends, it even applies to your family, and indeed any company you keep. So is a person judged and influenced. If you feel victimised or disrespected it is because you choose to let people treat you this way. You must insist on positive reinforcement from the people around you. You must say no to negativity.

It's up to you to take the initiative, it's up to you to have the courage to live the kind of life you wish you to live today.

Don't listen to naysayers and prophets of doom who tell you can't do this or that. But realise that success takes tenacity and perseverance, and moreover, that success is what you define it to be. Success is not an extrinsic expectation placed on your life by somebody else. It is whatever makes you realise your full potential. You can't live anyone else's life but your own.

The meaning of life is to be happy with your choices.

In one year, so much can change - will you start making good choices for yourself today?


xx
Tiger Eye

(Image by Tashi Mannox)

A year ago...

My life was very different. Within the year that passed, I moved to a different continent, stopped working, became a stay at home mom and started a long distance degree.

There are many aspects of my 'old life' that I miss every day. I miss my family, my friends, my house, my spacious garden, my car, my job, my son's nanny...what don't I miss?

However, within the process of relocating to the other end of the world, I have bonded with my son in a way that only time can allow. I have become infinitely more patient and my appreciation for family has grown immensely.

There are great days, good days and okay days.

The point I think, is to remember that this too shall pass. In a few months time, some challenges will be resolved, some forgotten and some ongoing.

Whatever life has presented you in the past year, I hope you share your story. It may be that nothing has changed in your life and you're hoping for a change. It may be that you are content with the life you have created for yourself and you are enjoying it. It may be that you have experienced something extraordinary that will change who you are forever.

I hope the stories shared on this blog may inspire and motivate all that come across them. The greatest stories told are the stories of the lives that we live each day.